They just found a Black guy hanging from a tree with 79 stab wounds in Alabama…. The police say it’s the worst case of suicide they’ve ever seen

My mom recently bought a Jesus shaped flashlight When I asked her why she said: So whenever someone says “I can’t see” I can be like “here, let Jesus light the path”

Why is my Chinese girlfriend so bitchy? Well it’s true, you are what you eat.

A Bug’s Mind What’s the last thing that goes through a bug’s mind when he crashes into a windshield? His asshole.

Is that mine? I was walking down the street when I saw black guy with a laptop. Is that mine? I thought. It looks exactly like mine… but that can’t be… Mine should be at home cleaning my shoes.

I paid 10.50 for a movie ticket to watch Tom Cruise die continuously for 2 hours. I would have paid a hundred dollars to watch that.

A Spanish magician announced that for his final trick, he would vanish into thin air. He counted down: uno, dos, then POOF! He was gone, without a tres.

Do hamburgers make good vampires? No because they always find themselves in ghoulash situations!

Whilst at college I did experiment with marijuana. I did it in snow, I did it in sleet, but I did not in hail. ^– ^Ed ^Byrne

Two fish are in a tank… One is driving, and the other is manning the guns.