A good rule of thumb is to never be in Liam Neeson’s movie family.

If you ever need help learning C++, I can give you some pointers. And you can keep me as a reference.

My bank account status is more scary than the Conjuring!

Why is it that the more numbers someone has in their e-mail address, the less I respect them?

What does the mayonnaise say to the refrigerator? Shut the door im dressing

I once bought an e. e. cummings poem collection.. It was the worst game of Mad Libs ever.

“You’re a unit of power Joe.” “I’m a Watt?”

What did the Mexican gang member say when two large houses fell on him during an earthquake? Get off me, homes.

My love for you is like a fart. Everything about it is powered by my heart.

A duck walks up to a prostitute…. And says, “put it on my bill”