What do gays and melons have in common? cantaloupe…

What happens when Turkeys get the common cold? They quit smoking.

The hands that help others in need are holier than the lips that pray.

How do they calculate global warming? Al-gore-ythms

What are the 3 stages of sex after marriage? Tri-weekly Try Weekly and Try Weakly

Sorry, but breaking up with you on facebook was the best way of letting all your friends know I’m available.

I don’t understand women. I also don’t understand how a car works but I still drive it.

Dear President Obama, I’ve got a joke for you… I texted it to Angela Merkel. Did you… *get it*?

My house is really small until I can’t find my phone.

What’s an extroverted accountant? One who looks at your shoes while he’s talking to you instead of his own.