My dog can predict when an earthquake is going to happen. But television doorbell versus actual doorbell baffles him every time.

Descartes walks into the bar. The bartender asks him, “will you have your usual tonight?” Rene replies “I think not” and he disappears.

You could be a “Before” model.

In China the labels read, “Made by someone you know.”

It would be great to be born on Earth and die on Mars. Preferably not on the point of impact.

Two skeptics walk into a bar.. I’d tell you what happens next but noone knows

Everytime you pull the trigger a bullet loses its job…HAHAHAHA! Because it gets FIRED. HAHAHA! *I’m in tears*

There are two types of people in this world. And I hate them both.

I’d give these pigeons some bread but they’d probably just spend it on drugs.

What’s the worse thing to do to a blind person? Leave a plunger in the toilet