Yup. If pasta & antipasta ever touch, they annihilate. For your safety, that’s why restaurants never serve them together.

Chicken Why did the chicken cross the road? Why? To go to the gay guys house Knock knock Who’s there? The chicken

Teacher: Why do we put a hyphen in a bird-cage? Pupil: For a parrot to perch on miss.

Just waiting for Steve Harvey to come out and say it’s actually Clinton any second now

[car wreck] [hand reaches out] “Take my hand. I’m Chad Kroeger from the popular band Nickelback.” [I let the flames slowly bake me alive]

How do you know if your wine was made in the 90’s? It smells like teen spirit.

What was the name of Paul Revere’s favorite porno mag? The British are Coming

When I hear “This call is being monitored for quality assurance” I think “Cool, let’s see how bad this person wants their job.”

You know what the definition of “competitive” is? Finishing first *and* third in a circlejerk.

Q: What’s the difference between a blonde and a supermarket trolley? A: The supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.