Things have really turned around for me since I re-named my penis and testicles “JD Power and Associates”.

A Mexican fireman had twin boys He named them Jose and Hose B

I was drinking at the bar, so I took a bus home. That may not be a big deal to you, but I’ve never driven a bus before!

“I can’t stand when people say they hate both of the presidential candidates.” –Stephen Hawking

yeah girl.. shake that thing where poop comes out of. it really turns me on when your poop factory shakes faster than usual

What did the car said to the valet? I’ve been through a lot.

Bill Clinton must be the luckiest man in the world. All of the sex he has, with Hillary, you know it’s hate sex.

What’s black, blue and doesn’t look too well? Stevie Wonder

I saw a French rifle on eBay today It’s never been fired but I heard it was dropped once.

What’s the difference between a blonde and a washer? When you dump your load in a washer, it doesn’t follow you around for a week.