Ted Cruz getting elected.

Before I destroy a wasp’s nest I like to capture a single wasp and tell it my entire diabolical plan.

Ibuprofen is my favorite headache medicine that also sounds like a reggae professor.

Which gospel contains Jesus’ parable about the shades of numbers? Math hue.

A guy pick up a woman Then he puts her down

Every night, I take all of the singles out of my wallet, spread them on the bed, and pretend I was pretty that day.

I am looking forward to 6pm Thanksgiving Day when Walmart opens its doors for its annual sale of trampled human corpses.

Yttrium-barium-copper oxide walks into a bar The bartender tells him, “We don’t serve superconductors here.” He leaves without resistance.

How do you fit 4 gays on one barstool? Flip it over!

Mom: “Do you want this?” Me: “No.” Mom: “Ok I’ll give it to your brother.” Me: “No I want it.”