What’s the difference between a painting and Jesus. You only require one nail to put up the painting.

Why did the chicken hold a seance? To get to the other side.

Where do baby cows go to eat lunch? At the calf-eteria.

How to get a cop’s attention

What happens to a necrophiliac after death? Reserection

My son just got a tattoo of a heart, a spade, a club, and a diamond, all without my permission. I guess I’ll deal with him later.

What do you call a potato in space? Spudnik

“That guy is such a douche-bag! Is he single? Maybe I can fix him!” women

Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? ‘Cause they are freaking good at it

How did the blonde die raking leaves? She fell out of the tree.