Thanksgiving joke What does Miley Cyrus eat for Thanksgiving? Twerky! Just kidding… Drugs. She eats drugs. -Adam Zopf @adamzopf

My wife is in a bad mood. I think her boyfriend forgot their anniversary. Way to go, dude. Now we all suffer…

My speech today will be like a mini-skirt. Long enough to cover the essentials but short enough to hold your attention!

You ever notice that the most dangerous thing about marijuana is getting caught with it?

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say at the abortion clinic? Hasta last vista, baby.

What do you call a barbarian you can’t see? an Invisigoth.

How do you spell Canda? C,eh,N,eh,D,eh

What should you do before criticizing Pac-Man? WAKA WAKA WAKA mile in his shoes

What’s the difference between an illegal Mexican and an autonomous robot…? Nothing… they were both made to steal American jobs.

Telling my daugthers date that “she has lice and its very contagious the closer you get to her.” *Correct way to parent.