Jersey Shore just got cancelled. Clearly an act of God. Your move, atheists.

An Amnesiac Knocks on the Door Knock knock. Who’s there? Amnesia. Amnesia who? … … Knock knock.

I told Leonardo DiCaprio a joke about the Oscars… He didn’t get it.

What do you call bread from heaven? 100% holy grain

Sorry I can’t go out. I forgot to charge my phone halfway though the day.

I know this girl who’s a total butterpoliticalviews.

What comes in pairs? seeds

What has four legs and will kill you if it falls out of a tree? A pool table.

Why did 5000 Mexicans show up to fight at the Alamo? They only had two cars.

A hamburger walks into a bar, and the bartender says, “I’m sorry, but we don’tserve food here.”