What should you do if you come across an elephant in the jungle? Wipe it off.

When is a shirt not a shirt? When it’s attire.

How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb Juan.

In the beginning, God created Heaven and Earth. Everything else was made in China.

Google won’t search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don’t find Chuck Norris, he finds you.

DOOM 4. All of the guns suck, so we made punching take forever.

I’ve bought drinks for guys and not as an equality thing but because when I’m drunk I forget that money is real.

I saw this sign that mad me shit my pants. It said ‘bathroom closed’

Contrary to the rest of America, Twitter runs on drunken.

Why were the letters a-y banned? They were all nazis