Getting marriage advice from a priest is like taking your lawn mower to Burger King to get repaired.

“There’s a party in my pants!” Sadly, they only RSVP I’ve received was from myself.

Why do farts smell so bad? So the deaf can enjoy them too.

Mean people tell me “you’ve got a face only a mother could love” but the joke’s on them because she didn’t

Life is like pizza. It makes you fat.

Why does the american loose at billard ? Beacause he always shoots at the black one.

Why is the number 6 always angry? Because 789

Thanks to Fitbit, all my anxious pacing can be passed off as exercise.

I used to work at a trampoline factory It had its ups and downs

Whats the difference between a lentil and a chickpea? I wouldn’t pay 200 to have a lentil on in my mouth