I had an awkward moment with my english teacher. Apparently pathetic fallacy has nothing to do with erectile dysfunction.

The Tree Stooges: Moehogany, Cherry, and Curly Maple Alternate for Larry: Larchy

Population Control: Make birth control a psychedelic. You’re welcome.

My little brother is extremely proud of this joke. What do you call a reptile who anyways starts fights? An Insti-Gator

Tweeting and grocery shopping don’t mix. I’ve been down every aisle and just realized all I have in my cart is a cabbage and someone’s baby.

I have been try to come up with a funny joke about leeches. I couldn’t because they all suck

‘hey babe, you fancy Amazon prime movie and instant video online demand service and chill later?’ No thanks dad

A man and a woman are lying in bed late night… …and the woman asks her man: “Honey, do you prefer smart or pretty women?” and the man responds calmly: “Neither, baby, I prefer you.”

It’s so cold outside… I just saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets!

Why can’t Hellen Keller drive? Because she’s dead