What do you call a sick Pokemon? Pikachoo

Billion dollar idea: A phone that charges using body fat!

Why did the cowboy have a brown moustache? Cause he was Lookin’ for loooove in alllll the wrong places.

Where’s the best place to go on the first date? All the way

I really wanted my kid to be a kid so I gave birth directly into the ball pit at Chuck E. Cheese’s.

“Please note that WinRAR is not free software. After a 40 day trial period you must either buy a license or remove it from your computer.”

Policeman: Are you going to a fire? Motorist: No I’m trying to prevent one. That’s what my boss said would happen if I were late again.

I ran into my dad earlier… Shitty driving must run in the family…

According to scientists, the Gulf of Mexico may never recover from the spill. It’s true what they say: once you go black, you never go back.

What do you call two lepers in a spar? Soup