A black guy with a parrot walks into a bar. The bartender says, “wow! That is beautiful! Where did you get it?” The parrot responded, saying, “there are millions of them running around in Africa.”

Somebody said that truth doesn’t exist at all. And then an enthusiastic supporter shouted: “YEAH, THAT’S THE TRUTH!”

Why couldn’t the lifeguard save the hippie? ’cause he was too far out man!

Your mom and a Volkswagon have something in common They’re both 40 times dirtier than advertised.

*Paranormal Factivity* [I walk into my bathroom] “OH MY GOD” [‘WHALES ARE ACTUALLY MAMMALS’ is written in blood on the mirror]

“Dad do you believe in Buddha?” “Why of course but I think margarine is just as good.”

What is the best thing about living in Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.

What is a pirate’s favorite letter? You’d think it’d be R, but really his heart will always belong to the C.

What do you call a chihuahua with a rainbow colored fur? Chihuehue

You people that are getting sex regularly either need to keep that shit to yourselves or be more descriptive.