Pay attention to all these women that are posting pictures with their mom’s on Mother’s Day because that is what they are going to look like!

What does a prostitute have in common with Sting? They both stop sucking when The Police are around.

What do you do when you are done with the vegetables? You put them back in the wheelchair

What did Mr.T say when he saw a fat lady at the bar? I pity the stool!

Someone called me a horse today… I just looked at him and said “Nay!”

I use my notebook the same way I use my girlfriend. Just flip’em over every period.

What do you call a happy cowboy? A jolly rancher! Hahahahahahahahah you guys have no idea how alone I am.

How many jail guards does it take to change a light bulb? Why does it matter? Everyone knows the prison system can’t change anything.

Purchasing a rain barrel often leads to buying more water collecting devices I guess you could say a rain barrel is a gateway jug. (Modified from a story heard on NPR) : )

Did your world end today? Mayan didn’t