How many internet users does it take to change a light-bulb? I dunno. Let’s just sign a petition so that hopefully somebody will do it.

Do you know why you will never go hungry in the desert? Because of the sand which is there. *edit: because of the sandwiches there…..

The wife told me to go out and get some of those pills that will help me get an erection. You should have seen her face when I came back and gave her some diet pills.

Did you hear about the bedbug? He was undercover.

[PHONE] “TSA, How can I help you?” Me: “Why did you guys put my frog on the No-Fly List?!” Agent: “Umm…” Me: “DAMMIT, HE’S STARVING!”

I wasn’t mad. Then you asked me 12 times if I was mad. Well, now I’m mad.

What happens when you drop a decimal point in water ? it floats.

There are 4 states of Matter Solid, Liquid, Gas, and Black Lives

The only time a man has ever asked me “do you have a sister?” was just to make sure he avoided dating her too.

When I see a guy sleeping on an unfolded cardboard box, I never know if he’s homeless or just tired from breakdancing.