10 bucks says when Dora grows up, she’s gonna be a drug mule.

Apple and Google are both working on self driving cars. Personally I don’t think I want to ride in a car without Windows.

How do you know when you’ve played too much minecraft? When your friend wishes aloud that he could be creative and you tell him ,”your game mode has been changed.”

How was copper wire invented? 2 Jews bent down to pick up the same penny.

When I was younger my dad showed me pictures of why to wear condoms during sex. The funny thing is, they were all pictures of me.

I don’t like blind jokes… I just don’t see the humor in them

What do you call a spring break whore… … a slip inside

[end of long conversation] HER: let me give you my number ME: great! [forgot name] how do you spell your name? HER: ME: HER: k-i-m ME:

Why do stoners carry lighters everywhere? Because they don’t have legs to walk, man.

Why is Def leppard the best band to listen to while driving? Because you only need one arm to drum along..