Hey scientists, you gave us Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra. How about you stop playing with your dicks and give us something for cancer?

Whenever I’m bored I stop a stranger and ask “where am I?” and whatever they say I runaway screaming “Hahaha I’m a genius! I can teleport!”

I like my drinks like I like my women With big cups.

What’s the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? It only takes one nail to hang the picture.

“Hey, the sky is pitch black tonight.”-You, counting your lucky stars.

What do you call a Mexican who has just lost his car? Carlos

What do you name a dog with no legs? It doesn’t really matter, he isn’t going to Heel anytime soon.

What do you call a god who lacks self-confidence? An atheist. He doesn’t really believe in himself.

The worst thing about babies is how little they appreciate all the sleep they get.

Newlyweds tell the hotel desk clerk “we need a room we just got married!” Clerk says “would you like a bridal?” The husband replies” no I’ll just hold her by the ears until she gets the hang of it.”