Whenever I’m tempted to talk shit to a perfect stranger on Reddit I always remember my mother’s wise words: “Shut your fucking mouth, no one cares what you think.”

The difference between a prostitute with diarrhea and an epileptic oyster shucker… The oyster shucker shucks between fits!

If you want people to get mad at you, just say that your not going to care about you’re mistakes.

MEN AIN’T FROM MARS AND WOMEN AIN’T FROM VENUS. BOTH YALL FROM EARTH AND BOTH OF YALL WACK

Did you see that crazy news story on the internet? Of course. You reddit

What’s the best part about fucking 28 year olds? There’s 20 of em’

What do you call a gay club in the 70’s? Phallic! at the Disco

Hi, my name is Chadical–I mean–Chad, and I’m a recovering bro. [group says “Hi, Chad” but one voice goes “Sup bro”]

Why don’t they let whales into strip clubs? They tend to humpback.

My new thesaurus just came in Not only is it terrible but it’s also terrible