When they buried the man who invented Tetris… The whole cemetery disappeared. -Gary Delaney

An art teacher comes across a badly made nude painting. What does she say? “This butt a scratch!”

What did the cop say to the doughnut as he ate it? Rest in **police**.

If you don’t pay your exorcist… You may get repossessed.

“Name?” queries the Starbucks barista. The almighty feathered serpent Quetzalcoatl only sighs.

…: who do you listen to more? Mummy or daddy? 5y: mummy …: why? 5y: mummy talks more

I suck at blowing up balloons That’s probably why they never inflate

ATTORNEY: my client would like to confess ME: i sell human organs on the black market JUDGE [who needs a kidney transplant]: tell me more

I love waking up to the sound of birds arguing with their spouses.

Blind prostitutes. You gotta hand it to ’em.