Why don’t Muslims use contractions of words? Because in Islam, the penalty for apostrophe is death.

All my friends are convincing me to travel to Northwest Territories… But I’m having Nunavut.

OC – Why shouldn’t Spanish women smoke cigarettes? You shouldn’t smoke if your pregnant.

Why couldn’t the melons get married? Because they can’t elope.

A guy goes to the doctor and is given a prescription. “Do I take this with anything?” “Yeah, your face.”

Hillary Clinton is gonna be our first f president Oops, someone deleted the emale

News Just In:More pictures leaked,the world rejoices…Iran uses oppertunity to attack Lets not get complacent,your lives could depend on it.

What do you call a girl that sleeps with you for your Adderall? A total attention whore.

A fish is made from just two atoms of Sodium. 2Na

“Dad, you were at 63%, so I unplugged your phone to plug mine in” *Drives ex-son to homeless shelter