What do you get if you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic? About halfway across

*octopus goes in for a palm reading* Psychic: “CANCEL ALL MY APPOINTMENTS”

What’s black and screams Stevie wonder answering the iron

Once i did the “is your dad a terrorist?, because you are a bomb..” line to a muslim girl. Totally blew up in my face

Monica Blue Knock knock. Whos there? Monica Blue. Monica Blue who? Bill Clinton.

MurphySnowden Law of Fluid Dynamics Everything leaks out eventually.

What are Mitt Romney’s favorite shoes? Flip flops

If Bruce Wayne was Jewish, would he have had a bar mitzvah or a bat mitzvah?

What’s the difference between a dilapidated bus stop and a lobster with a breast implant? One is a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean. Heard very recently and just had to share.

What did the young witch say to her mother ? Can I have the keys to the broom tonight !