I was on a date with a girl last night… She told me she had an eating disorder. I looked at her solemnly for a minute and then asked her very nicely: “So are you gonna eat ‘dis order of fries then?”

What’s better than a paradox? A pair of nurses

1. You’re confined to a hospital bed. 2. You’re 11. 3. You sustained brain damage in a car accident. – Reasons to watch shows on “The CW”

I like my coffee like I like my women Sent back for not being hot enough

So, I was going to make a Gay joke butt fuck it

What is a Catholic’s favorite weapon? Nun-chucks.

How do you spell candy with two letters? C and Y

What’s the difference between STD’s and Pokemon? I still haven’t caught any Pokemon.

What did the detective say when he tripped over a pretzel left by the perp? Well, that was an unexpected twist!

[If my dog could talk] DUDE, IT’S BEEN 9 YEARS. I GET IT. I’M A GOOD BOY