She said she wanted to see other people So I bought a disguise

What do you call an Irish milkshake? Mashed potatoes…

Sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is go to bed.

Christmas tree’s for single mom’s Just big enough for her to carry by herself

I always carry a lighter in case I end up at an impromptu concert…or need to set someone’s house on fire. Either way, I’m prepared.

What’s the difference between an airplane and an abortion? Only one doesn’t fly after coming into contact with a hanger

Walked in on my Dad chopping up Onions and I started to cry Onions was a good dog..

Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas.

The contestants on Jeopardy are always asking the stupidest questions. “What is bronze?” Read a book, you dummies.

He who farts in church….. Sits in his own pew. (Courtesy of my wife)