College doesn’t prepare you for holding in farts in the workplace.

You know what they say about incest… It’s only relatively bad.

I ate too many rowing paddles Now I feel oar-full

Jesus goes to a palm reader And she nailed it! Saw Gallagher last weekend and this had me in tears.

Selfie Stick – Picture taking device used when the internet has made you so socially awkward you can’t ask a stranger to take a pic for you

Really sad news from the entertainment industry. Justin Bieber was found alive in his apartment yesterday.

Why did the twitter army lose all their battles? Because they kept retweeting.

I always feel bad for seedless watermelon because what if they wanted to have babies.

How do you make a 5yr old cry twice? When you rub your dick on her teddy bear.

What is called a honeymoon salad? Lettuce alone with no dressing.