I used to be schizophrenic but I’m OK now. No I’m not.

A husband and wife go out to eat And the waitress asks “would you like any condiments?” They simultaneously reply “no thanks, we’re married”

Why do Jewish men get circumcised as youth. Jewish women won’t touch anything that’s not at least 10% off.

A man flashed three old women in the park. The first two women each had a stroke! The third woman tried, but she couldn’t reach because her arms were too short.

Where does one apply to be a “kept man”?

Just took a huge Nicolas Cage movie.

Cops have a new radar that lets them see through walls into our homes but imagine if this technology fell into the wrong hands! Oh wait…

Walks into a Bar A man walked into a Florida bar with his crocodile and asked the bartender: “Do you serve lawyers here?” “Sure.” “Good. One beer for me and a lawyer for my crocodile.”

Q: What do you call the folks who hang around the musicians at conservatories? A: Violists.

“Wish You Were Beer!” Wait…no…that’s right…send.