Where do Sith lords go to shop? The Darth Mall.

I went to the zoo the other day, There was only one dog in it. It was a shitzu.

After reading about Rihanna’s thug life tattoo, I think we all owe Chris Brown an apology.

*I describe my lost cat to the cops* Sketch Artist: *draws my cat* Detective Dog: *adds WANTED DEAD OR ALIVE beneath the picture*

The 9:50 from Paris has been diverted. Nothing to do with the weather, we just don’t like the French.

The British Pound? You mean the British Ounce.

What do Pokemon Go and Tinder have in common? Both give you a good chance of catching something

Q. Where can you dance in California? A. San Fran-disco

Why didn’t DiCaprio laugh at Oscar joke? Because he didn’t get it.

Jennifer Lawrence has said that those who saw her nude photos should cower in shame… …I don’t know about all that, but I did shower after I came.