Why should every woman know a C++ programmer? Because they’ll always let friends access their private members. Ba dum tiss.

White people don’t shoot each other in the streets like black people do. We do it in schools, because we have class.

Asian kid drinking alcohol under age Call that Jin-yung

I like my women how I like my computer. On my lap. Turned on. Virus free.

Visitor: Wow you have a lot of flies buzzing round your horses and cows. Do you ever shoo them? Cowboy: No we just let them go barefoot.

If I could go back in time & change any event that would alter the course of history: I probably wouldn’t have super sized that fry order.

Funny Fact Always happens to me : Study for one hour no one sees . But pick up mobile just for a second and MOM/DAD enters the room

A parkourist walks into a restaurant He sees 5 jars. “What are those?” The waiter says “Some are suger, Summersalt”

Whats the difference between a bitch and a whore? A whore sleeps with everyone at the party and a bitch sleeps with everyone at the party except you.

My girlfriend started eating my ass during foreplay last night, She asked “Have you taken a shower today?” And I said “What’s a shower got to do with my asshole?”