Why, with twice the population of the United States at the time didn’t China invent the airplane first? Well, two Wongs don’t make a Wright.

Why can’t the bicycle stand on its own? Because it’s two tired

I made a girl wet yesterday. I took away her umbrella.

Did you hear about the new Jewish car? It stops on a dime and then picks it up.

The bartender says, “We don’t serve time travelers in here.” A time traveler walks into a bar.

A woman walked into a pub and asked the barman for a double entendre. So he gave her one

Wanna know what the hardest part of Roller Blading is? Telling your parents that you’re gay.

I see your “long walks on the beach” and I raise you “long Segway rides on beach” *peels off on beach throwing sand in dates face*

I’ve finally taken the time to list my collection of John Lennon memorabilia on eBay. Imagine all the PayPal.

Officer: You drinking? Me: You buying? Oh how we laughed and laughed…. PS: I need bail money.