Why did the girls in *Requiem for a Dream* go ass to ass? They were just trying to make ends meet.

How do you turn a duck into a soul singer? Put it into a microwave until it’s bill withers.

My fellow Canadians, Complain about the heat just *once* and it will get taken away from us. Don’t be the reason we can’t have nice things

What is the most dangerous thing in america ? Ans: Nigger with a library card

Even though his lawyer had told him to check the fine print, he hadn’t expected this: it was the SEXIEST print he’d seen in years.

What do a pulse and an orgasm have in common? I don’t care if she has one.

What do Stephan Harper and pennies have in common? They’re both useless in Canada.

Why were the people in the twin towers so upset? They ordered pepperoni and all they got was plane

Have any you ever tried to throw out a garbage can ? I leave it on the curb everyday, and its always there when I get back from work.

What’s 6.9? A perfectly good 69 ruined by a period