Why can’t dwarfs sing? Because they can’t reach the high notes. Bonus: how does dwarves communicate? Smalltalk.

People have started rating HIV clinics on trip advisor The one time you don’t want a positive review.

Even crazier than posting photos of your food, is what you actually look like hovering over your meal snapping pictures.

What’s harder than beating Alabama twice? Beating LSU once, Geaux Tigers!!!

Ordering at Chipotle: “With white rice.” “Brown?” “No, white. And chicken.” “Steak?” “No, chicken. And medium salsa.” “Mild?” “No, medium.”

If an assassin killed exclusively Utility Workers, would that make him a PUD Whacker?

Which dinosaur was the hardest to find? …the Steganosaurus! And do you know why? …because it was encryptid!

*opens camera app on phone* *35 cats scurry under the couch*

The older I get, the farther apart I spread my feet when I use a urinal. Soon, I will be doing a Jean-Claude Van Damme split when I piss.

What weighs 2 lbs and is full of shit? Donald Trump’s shoes