Why did the StormTrooper Buy The IPhone? Because he couldn’t find the Droid he was looking for

Wind Farms….. I’m a big fan!

I have one friend who is very creepy and intense and whenever we take a photo together all I can think is “this will be on Dateline someday”

I have a dog named Hot-Dog. Isn’t funny? hahahaha….

Third party US presidential candidate Gary Johnson just delivered a crushing blow to the Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton campaigns By keeping his mouth shut.

What’s the similarity between pessimists and people with a phobia of sausages? They both fear the wurst

I believe when you die you become a slab of meat… I call it rein-carne-tion.

Wife: He’s just so literal all of the time, he gets so confused Psychiatrist: Is this true? Me: [worried] Are u really gonna make me shrink?

A son asks his dad “Dad, am I adopted?” “Not yet son. We still haven’t found anyone that wants you”

Boys, if you don’t look like Calvin Klein models, don’t expect us to look like Victoria’s Secret Angels.