How is the elevator business? Oh, it has its up and downs…

What’s the Titanic’s Favorite Holiday? Sink-o de Mayo.

What’s the worst part of being a cook in prison? Having to toss everyone’s salad

Adele called her first albums 19 & 21 because they are numbers that have special importance to her life Her follow up 3.14159265358979323846264338327950288419716939937510 is due out next month.

Racist Maths If Steve has $20 and Tyrone takes $16, what color is Tyrone?

Today a tragedy occurred: a gardener died You could say he threw in the trowel

Old ladies are not as fucking helpful as they think they are.

[tortoise arguing with his gf] “FINE IM LEAVING” FINE [6 minutes later] are you going or not? “THIS IS AS FAST AS I CAN GO KAREN”

What’s the difference between a ginger girl and a vampire? One bursts into flames in the sunlight, and the other is a vampire.

I went to zoo and all they had was a dog It was a shit-zoo