What do you call a butthurt white guy? A salty cracker.

*strips buck naked*Buck: Give me back my clothes !

The school counsellor told me that alcohol was never a solution. I said that my chemistry teacher would disagree.

If you’re going to call people who aren’t yet born “the unborn” then you have to call people who aren’t yet dead “the undead”

Who is the poorest in England? The Tooth Fairy!

i went to a 5 Guys burgers and fries and there was only one guy. im just gonna say what were all thinking. the other 4 guys died at benghazi

[Entering Building As A Guy Leaves] Me: It’s muggy out there. Guy: I’ll be fine. *guy is beaten & robbed immediately. M: Told you.

What did the blonde Buddhist say when she finished her 88th prayer? “I literally chant even…”

If gas prices keep going up I’m cutting off the bottom of my car and I’m “Flintstoning” That mf!

IMHO = I Miss Hall & Oates