I just got the biggest idea for a joke! Then I realized it was my dick. No seriously check this one out: “I dont want to sound like an asshole, but ppfdrtrrtrt *fartnoises*”

Some racists say black people are just white people that were left in the oven too long… If that’s true, then all black people would be jewish.

My roommate asked me why I’d invited a bunch of Parisian newspaper men over for breakfast. I told him I always make coffee with the French press.

Shredded cheese has officially been banned at grocery stores in the US. President Trump will make America grate again.

Why did tigger look in the toilet… He was looking for Pooh

Right before I left the house my wife asked me if I filled out my organ donor information and now I’m hesitant to start the car.

I was recently in a museum in Europe So much Picasso I wanted to Pablow my brains out

Sometimes I just go to work for the free internet.

There’s an opening for a scapegoat at our office. I think you’d be perfect for the job.

What does a farsighted gynecologist have in common with a puppy dog? They both got a wet nose.