My black friend asked me where to find the color copier I said it’s 2015 and he can use whatever copier he wants to

In the year 2065, old men will say ‘bae’

Asking me to care Would be like asking the hunchback of Notre dame to stand up straight.

What do you call a 350 pound stripper? Broke

What did one snowman say to the other? Do you smell carrots??

My cooking is so great…. …that firefighters like to come and watch.

What do You Call a Line… Q: What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards? A: a receding hare-line.

How do scientists freshen their breaths? Ex*spearmints*

Sometimes I say stuff without even meaning to be funny and I’m like “Man, my subconsicious is hilarious!”

I always lock my front door before I get in the shower ’cause if a killer broke in & heard me singing I’d be HUMILIATED.