I was just reading about the Volkswagen fiasco recently, and something puzzled me. It’s not like Germans to get gas emissions wrong.

Why can’t you email a picture to a jedi? Because attachments are forbidden.

Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff. Ba-dum psshh!

It’s not rape if she’s holding bud light

How many Irish folk singers does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to change the bulb and one to sing about how grand the old bulb was.

What has wheels and is green? Grass, I lied about the wheels.

Don’t have phone sex Because you’ll get hearing aids

What do you call tubing in Winnipeg? Mani-tubing

Teacher : Would you at the back of the room stop passing notes. Pupil : We’re not passing notes. We’re playing cards !

Why did Obama take all the pens when he left the White House? Because trumps bringing his own pence.