Store Sign: “WE HAVE MACE” Think that’s going to keep me from shopping here?

What do you call a nun in a wheelchair? Holy Roller

“Give it to me!! I’m so fucking wet!” She screamed at me… “Fuck off. This is MY umbrella.”

There is no reason to hit a woman! Lol, just kidding

Why couldn’t the little mermaid get into college? Her GPA was unda da C.

Children in the back seats of cars cause accidents, but accidents in the back seats of cars cause children.

Why did the Pasta join a dating website? Because he was cannelloni.

your mom is so fat that.. The whole U.S nation started this “ur moms so fat” joke exclusively because of her

What did Napoleon say on the rollercoaster? Ouiiiiiiii!

Two windmills are standing in a field and one asks the other, “What kind of music do you like?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan”