What kind of luggage does a vulture bring on a plane? Carrion.

“We heard reports that some guy saw a snowflake one time somewhere so we better cancel 5,000 flights.” – Airlines

My girlfriend knows I love pinball, so she uses just 3 words to let me know when it’s sexy time. “Lock is lit”

Why are a German vegetarians pessimists? Because they always fear the wurst.

What do you find at the bottom of the lake? Bassturds.

Why was Jesus crucified instead of stoned? So Catholics could do this [makes the sign of the cross], instead of this [bangs self in head with fists].

What’s better than roses on a piano? Tulips on an organ!

My girlfriend asked for a dick pic file size too large

What is a tornado ? Mother nature doing the twist !

What is a dentist’s office? A filling station.