What’s the difference between jelly and jam? You can’t jelly your cock up someone’s ass.

Where do rabbits like to eat breakfast? IHOP!

Unshakable Fact # 4 Breaking News: Condoms don’t guarantee safe sex anymore. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was killed by the woman’s husband.

Dysentery It’s a shitty way to die.

I just can’t stand it when people make jokes about crippled people.

What do you call an alligator with a vest? An Investigator!

If you have to wait a while to get a fast food order, say, “I thought this was FAST food.” The place will never recover from that mega burn

If you’re going to a wedding this weekend and you see a random stranger dancing his nut off on the dance floor, I’m sorry, I lost a bet.

Thank god attorneys let us know they’re attorneys “at law” so we don’t assume they’re attorneys at garlic bread or something.

What is light and red? Pink