My girlfriend started reading Bill Cosby’s biography… But it put her to sleep.

AT THE DOOR Q: If your wife is shouting at the front door and your dog is barking at the back door, who do you let in first? A: The dog — at least he’ll quiet down after you let him in.

[skydiving with my dog] Me: ur ears r inside out My dog: can’t hear u my ears r inside out Me: it’s the wind My dog: I think it’s the wind

I don’t mean to brag but 14 bots are hitting on me and I’ve already received 72 viruses. — Nerds

Looks like balls = Scrotesque.

A man died at the drive-in theater He froze to death seeing “Closed for season”.

What do you get if you cross a jogger with an apple pie ? Puff pastry !

Only 1 in 6 Americans can find Ukraine on a map… Putin is fixing the issue by just calling it all “Russia”.

Do you like him like him, or just Facebook like him?

Black monday is way better then black friday, look at the deals these people in Ferguson are getting. Stuff is free!!