What did the HS principal say when he accidentally got a math substitute to fill in for a chemistry teacher? Whoops, wrong sub.

I never wear red because I don’t want to anger any bulls disguised as cab drivers or businessmen.

How do you restore your body back to ‘factory settings’? Is it kale? it’s kale, isn’t it? please don’t say kale.

How many Freuds does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two. One to screw in the light bulb and the other one to hold the penis.. I meant… The ladder.

A PROBLEMIC POLEMIC Q: Why did the woman cross the road? A: Who knows why the heck they do anything?

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog vender and says.. “Make me one with everything”

Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? To get to the bottom

If Trump is elected President It won’t be the first time he has kicked a black family out of their house.

“Well boy,” I yell to my dog, seated in the basket of my pushbike as we plummet to the rocks below, “naming you E.T. clearly wasn’t enough.”

What do you call two men from Paraguay? Par a guays!