saw a chameleon today So it’s safe to say it was a pretty shit chameleon

AI walks to the human AI: “I relieve you, sir!” Human: “I am relieved.”

Why did the banana go out with the prune? Because he couldn’t find a date.

Two toothpicks are walking through the forest they come across a hedgehog. Says one to the other “Look, a bus!”

What did the suicidal college student say to his room mate? Dont leave me hangin’ bro

I don’t discriminate based skin colour, I do it based on clothes… In fact you could call me a fashist

Just had the following conversation in court Judge: State your name. Me: Not Guilty Judge: What? Me: I had it legally changed. Judge: You’re Not Guilty? Me: Thanks, I’m outta here

Are you a can of mountain dew? Cause I’d mountain dew you.

Large scale pot-growing bust on my neighbors property I was charged with planting evidence…

My downstairs neighbor thinks I’m a little creepy and that I overstep my bounds. At least that’s what she wrote in her diary.