I entered ten puns in a contest … to see which would win. No pun in ten did. ps: not my own, came across randomly.

For the past 2 nights my stomach sounds like cat purring when I lay down. I’m terrified to Web MD this. I’m too young to have kittens.

I have some OC jokes as well Actually the post snaps in two. THAT WAS A JOKE THX FOR COMING

What did the baby milk say to his older sister? You’re spoiled!

Did you hear about the new strain of bird flu? Chirpees… a canarial disease… un-tweetable.

Two old nuns are sitting on a park bench. A man runs up to them in a trench coat, opens it wide and flashes them. One of the nuns immediately had a stroke. The other couldn’t quite reach.

TIL Ron Jeremy is a porn star I always thought he was just an actor but as soon as he came on the screen it was clear

I don’t need a calendar to tell me winter is approaching *strokes wife’s leg hair*

Patient: Hey that tooth you pulled wasn’t the one I wanted pulled. Dentist: Relax I’m coming to it.

What is a hipster’s favorite element? Fe, because it’s so ironic