I want to do an essay on chronology and hand it in late… … so the professor can say “it’s about time!”

When I was a kid, I wanted to be an adult. So yeah….kids are stupid.

The founder of strepsils died this week There will be no coffin at the funeral

Missed Connections: hey, are you that woman I saw? Any of them? Call me.

Who was the most well known Jewish cook? Hitler!

What’s your mom’s favorite bird? A cock or two.

I think my friend’s new bowl is really a colander He told me a long story about how he uses it for mixing, but it doesn’t hold water.

MTV has ordered a reality show to follow a group of virgins. That sounds very interesting and riveting and get that camera out of my face.

Why did the Time Traveler give Julius Caeser a BJ? He wanted to go down on history.

Although not as effective as finger quotes, finger commas and finger periods are way fun.