Getty Yup! Cowboy: “Give me 3 packets of condoms, please.” Cashier: “Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?” Cowboy: “Nah…. She ain’t that ugly.”

Why did the cowboy get a dachshunds? Because once someone told him to get a long little doggie.

TIFU in the shower Although I still think Up is a strange name for a dog…

TOP PLACES TO DO KARATE IN FRONT OF: 1. Sunset 2. Crashing waves 3. Dad’s grave (as casket is lowered) 4. New stepdad’s face 5. Quiznos

Q: What do you call dirt? A: Dirty.

How’s a divorce like a hurricane… There’s a bunch of sucking and blowing, but in the end she takes your house.

Why didn’t the vegan gamble at the meat raffle? Didn’t want a brisket

What’s the difference between a hippie girl and a can of beans? You would still eat the beans after a month in the woods

Did you hear about the new Vietnamese cookbook? It’s called “101 ways to wok your dog”

There are over 1 million battered women in the US. And I’ve been eating mine plain!