Spoiler alert: this milk expired five days ago

So 2 guys walk into a bar. ……..that’s pretty much it i’m still 17

Current relationship status: Leaving pizza and beer in the bushes, to lure in stalkers.

An old lady’s beloved pair of pet rabbits died So she took them to the taxidermist to get them stuffed. The taxidermist asked her “would you like them mounted?” “No” she replied, “just holding hands.”

If they ever start charging for air… I’ll buy a bag of chips, at least it will be a package deal.

How many prostitutes does it take to change a lightbulb? Obviously more than four, they’ve been in my basement for days, and it’s still dark down there!

I told my girlfriend to make a sextape together. She agreed. It became a vine

What did the body builder say when he ran out of protein powder mix? No whey.

Dear Microsoft Office Word I am pretty sure I spelled my name correct

What do you call an Italian at the World Cup Finals? A referee