I’ve tried dating websites. But no priest will a marry man and HTML.

How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Poker Face

My Glee Club is just a baseball bat that I use to hit happy people over the head with.

Trust us: the feminine form of ‘ghostbuster’ is ‘ghostbuster’.

Trying to get my kids hooked on cigarettes so they’ll stop outgrowing their clothes.

You call it lightning. I call it targeted airstrikes.

Life is all about trying way too hard to look like you’re not trying.

So I found out today that I have Alzheimer’s…

Kum & go Ejaculate & evacuate

I wish I had the balls to be a juggler.