You know why ancient Greek children were always getting lost from their parents? ‘Cause they kept Roman around!

So a vegan sits down at a bar… I only know that because he won’t shut the fuck up about it.

How do you know when someone is a single mother? Don’t worry! They will tell you!

“911, what’s the emergency?” we were robbed. they stole the wireless router “calm down” also they shot my grandma or something. not sure

I’m guessing that most people who claim to “count calories” are really bad at math.

Where can you find the best joke book in the world? The Seattle Seahawks play book. Edit: sorry for the typo.

How come Miss Piggy couldn’t talk? She had a frog in her throat.

What’s the difference between the jokes from today and next week’s jokes? The posters.

What is the difference between Bill Clinton and Bill Cosby? One is still dicking bimbos while the other was dicking still bimbos.

If a coworker has two apples in his right hand and two oranges in his left hand, what does he have? No chance of blocking an uppercut.